I started commenting on the festival and the “controversy” and the more I comment the more I get that I am seeking validation. I want to be thought of as smart and thoughtful and with a point of view that people want to emulate and comment on and pat me on the back for. It helps that I’m right.
However, I have decided that I have nothing new to add to the conversation and that to continue to comment in order to have people react to what I say is selfish and probably going to result in my going overboard. I say this because I have a history of going overboard when i get that kind of attention. I know that I am getting to that point because what flashes in my head is an episode at girl scout camp where some one commented on how I was eating my pudding and it drew attention to me. I then said something funny that garnered me more attention. and then something happened that then drew negative attention and shamed me. I don’t remember if I was being disgusting or if I was being funny and the counselor didn’t like it or what; i just remember that I was shamed into being quiet. And the shame burns. I am old enough to identify the feeling and I know I still don’t like it.
I do know that people will try to shame you into silence regardless of what you are doing; meaning that one can be adding to the conversation and people will purposefully try to shame you in order not to hear what you are saying. Anyway. I don’t like shame.