Pieces of me

There is Monster, Little, Goo, Case, She and an as yet unnamed Shadow who is everything Anger. There is also an I who is stuck sitting on a chair outside of a hospital emergency room bay.

Case will follow most directions without thought. We need a job, Case carries out the plans whatever they may be to make that happen. Currently Case is working on the thought that revamping our resume to more narrowly focus its contents for the job we want will bear fruit. We are considering a career/life coach.

Goo will sleep as long as She can force us to sleep. Goo feels there are too many hours in the day for disappointment and if we sleep, we will have less disappointment to contend with. Goo and Monster are at odds; Monster argues on behalf of Case about all the “shoulds” that Case could manage if Goo would relinquish this habit of giving in. WE should get up. WE should shower. WE should find a job, any job. It is not our potential we need to feed; we need to keep our Things. The morning fight is tiring. Goo wins most often.

Little will follow Goo’s lead though she prefers Monster. Little has gone silent as she is quite afraid of She because She wants to kill us all; more accurately She wants us to die. To stop. To give up dispassionately our passionate need for hope and Life even though it comes with the pain of I sitting on a chair outside a hospital emergency room bay.

Monster keeps food in us, not great food, not enough food for joy; just enough for not feeling ill or too tired. Monster is a barbarian who loves Little too much to let us die but does not know what to do next and has no means to ask. Monster believes in no one but Little and can go no where without her. Little can make Monster laugh. Monster can coax little from under the covers. Monster sometimes makes Little brave. Little sometimes makes Monster beautiful.

There is also Lazy who is a host of other things but mostly lazy and talkative as long as the talk is about how worthless, incompetent and full of bullshit we are. Lazy accepts no blame or all blame; there is no middle way. Lazy holds the shovel that helps us dig the pit we are in.

The unnamed shadow takes it all and turns it into something She can use against us. Case will try just about anything but there’s no one to tell Case how to get from there to wherever or how to want so she keeps trying to be anything to anybody who will listen and succeeds only at being nothing to everyone. Little is rightfully frightened. Monster is single-minded muscle and Goo is too much of everything all at once to do anything but make wishes. Lazy is cheer leading our doom. She will be the death of us.

I am sitting on a chair outside a hospital emergency room bay and will not or cannot move.