As of today, the plan is to see if I can get a referral for this job that is like the job that I am doing from the guys that I am doing the job for. If I can go perm, I can go ahead and move out. I can just pick a place.
I dream of being alone in my own place, responsible to or for no one. I can move about in my pajamas unthinking of who I might disturb or who might be concerned about my movements about the house.
I can get up and go back to bed without worrying about any one questioning how long I’ve been lying down. I can get up and go to the bathroom and not worry about who smells what. I can be my sad self in peace as I find my way out of it for better or worse.
I can xbox to my heart’s content. I can do nothing or half do the many somethings that I have started and stopped.
I can learn how to eat again. I can be surrounded by my books again. I need them. I want them. I miss them. I miss what they represent without having realized they represented anything before.
I want to be alone so I can choose not to be.