Do you still have a friend if you have not spoken to them in years? Do you still have a friend if that person has said that they are un-friending you? Perhaps I am thinking about this in a self-serving way. I am loyal, such that it doesn’t matter if I have talked to you in a long time, I still call you a friend. but what good is that really?
Once I reach out and nothing comes back, what am I to do with that friendship then? Is that over whether I acknowledge it or not. Maybe it is only friendship in memory. “We were friends when…” but that has nothing to do with now this moment. In this moment, who are the people who are my friends and how do I determine that they are indeed friends not just people I know. I know a lot of people. That doesn’t make it a friendship though, does it? It doesn’t feel like it.
I remember when I was in third grade, Mrs. Griffiths class. We had a spelling bee. and the word I had was field. but I didn’t hear field. I heard feel or fill. I couldn’t understand what I was doing wrong because what I heard was not the word I had to spell.
That was an aside. I don’t know if I have any friends. I don’t know what it means. I think I know what it means to be a friend; but maybe I’m getting that wrong too if I can come to the conclusion that I don’t have any.
I’d like to think that I have friends. What if I don’t? What if I’m just fooling myself?