Pain is all I can address
right now, the wrapping of wounds
has my full attention
and even in that
I find myself afraid of the
attention to myself required
Why should that be?


I have been holding my breath. And I realize that the alone part is it’s going back to doing it by myself. I’ve almost always done it on my own. I have to start doing it on my own again. the recognition that I had someone, that I felt like someone was with me, for me and now she’s gone. and I have to figure it out alone again. It wasn’t nearly long enough. not nearly enough of her.

Code me

there is no ease in your
presence except in protocol
every if has a then
every function must open
and close
the space between brackets
waiting for your input

let me

let me touch you
will you let me touch you
let me wrap my tongue around
you, smooth-wet, warm you
let me touch
you, pulsing, jumping growing you
let me!
touch you?
let me…
will you?
let me?
touch you.
let me
let me

the real girl

Just watched lars and the real girl. really moving (cliche) but it spoke to this feeling i have of not knowing how to break out of this thing, this acute aloneness that i’m in.

I miss you

i’m all armored up
again, this time
anchored in place
because this is where you
were last
this is where i was
before you slipped away
this is the last place that made
any kind of sense
before you came
and helped me turn
myself inside out

is raw without you
to soothe balm on the
wounds we exposed

I am not here

Sometimes, I’m not sure I exist. I forget that people can see me. Living so far behind my eyes that the person that walks around in this skin seems to be someone else. She is the person that goes through the motions of life. She is the person who eats, and breathes and drives and looks for work, while I sit back, way back inside her head and try not to get in the way.

But then we go out and I am reminded that people can see me and even more so that I want to be seen. I want to exist closer to the world. But I can’t seem to get hooked in.

Is there really a gap?

I am interested to understand if there really is a skills gap or if there is a mismatch between what is called a skill and what is not. If employers think a specific software is a skill, they may be overlooking employees who have the knowledge and experience to shrink the gap between knowing the required software and meeting the business need.