I am not sure where there is. I do know where here is. Here has gotten a bit rote and routine. Here is a giant hamster wheel and I hate running. But I don’t know what my there is. I am formulating an exit plan that has me learning to repair motorcycles, and opening a repair shop and a cafe/club. But I also want to advance beyond where I am tech wise but I don’t know what road to take to get there or even what the roads look like. I mean right now I feel like I’m sitting in the middle of goo lagoon with patrick and sponge bob waiting for a response from the Magic Conch.
Since 2002 I’ve been fascinated with the technology that creates a blog. I haven’t been very consistent with actually creating the content that goes with a blog but the backend fascinates me. I think it’s really a resurgence of an interest in programming and the language required to make the system work that fascinates me.
In high school the one computer class that I was allowed (the other classes were for AP students, one of which I was not) was BASIC and I l-o-v-e-d it. One of our projects was to make a game. It consisted mostly of if/then loops and print commands but oh it felt like real magic to tell a computer to do something and have it do it. I loved it and still do. Sporatically, over the course of years after high school I was able to finagle my way into access to a computer. Now that my major work is with computers I have access to them anytime, all the time. Outside of my work time, i’m fascinated with blog/web software technology.
Blosxom was my first. Required a lot of hands on to publish. I liked the control and the interaction; again, my content was less important. I was never a fan of the other premade blogs like livejournal, blogger, etc. Mostly because I was not as interested in putting my content out there as I was in controlling how the content is managed, and how it looks. After Blosxom, was Textpattern which I thought was even more beautiful than Bloxsom and I thought Blosxom was gorgeous! After textpattern was WordPress-which at the time that I was introduced, was less popular than Movable Type but was beginning to do the same things. WordPress was also open source so I didn’t have to sink in any money for essentially something to play with. Every evolution was usually the result of my trying to do something that I couldn’t figure out how to do and reading over and over again how a different software did exactly what I wanted. So I would jump to the next thing which is where I started this short story made long.
I’m on Drupal now. And actually responsible for making it work for someone else’s content. So i’m digging deep and I couldn’t be happier.
It seems I have a forgetful streak that is about 1/2 a mile wide. Woe is the task that wanders onto that piece of road. It’s a function of distraction and a racing mind moving too fast for me to grasp the last thought in my head before it’s off without an action plan.
I think it may really be very close to time to let the seduction begin. Unfortunately I don’t have any candidates yet.
I have a pen fetish. It’s probably more a writing utensil fetish because it’s more than pens. Although the primary focus is pens, mostly grocery store pens with the occassional Mont Blanc, Waterman thrown in as finances accomodate. Anyway, it’s pens, mechanical pencils, regular pencils, and the occasional highlighter.
Writing implements are assessed on style, shape, size, heft, ink type, point size (I prefer the finer points in both pens and pencils).
Makers have developed a pencil ink. Wonderful thing for a fetishist like me as now some of the style, size and shape considerations are broader. The two most important things right now though are ink and erasability.
I include that background to say that Sharpie makes a “liquid pencil”. The ink erases really well, unfortunately the ink doesn’t hit the page very well and I find myself baring down which results in skips in letters which results in poor readability.
That is all.
I don’t like being left in the dark. I don’t like when people withhold information. It is one of those things that immediately puts me on the defensive. Like what kind of information is it that it can’t be shared? Is it information that I can’t handle? Why would one think I can’t handle the information?
I recognize that some people actively hold on to information, or in a passive agressive way deflect giving of the information in a straightforward way; indicating someone else knows what they know and I should go find it out from someone else when it’s obvious that it’s information that they have.
Not knowing makes me feel small and unimportant.
This is a reminder that I CAN do the things that I would like to do. That sometimes breaking down the task into it’s smaller components can help me get out of the mind, away from thinking the task is overwhelming or impossible; or even allowing me to procrastinate. Butt to Chair is the first step.
She makes me nervous
Her, and women like her
who raise the sun with their smiles
at me and everyone or no one in particular
I get nervous like I might say something
that will make that smile go away
or like the awestruck look on my face will
tell all there is to tell about me and that will be that
no more of her smiles.
I am awaiting a download. I am watching CSI. I am contemplating the nature of my discontent. It is not unhappiness. I am happy. There are friends in my life, and activities that I enjoy; and I come home everyday to two smiling joyful faces. I speak with my mom, brothers and sisters on a regular basis, my father on an irregular but sufficient I think basis. But there is discontent. just making a note for later analysis.
My motorcycling has gone very well. My Photography has gone okay although lately I have mostly been taking pics of the dogs with the iphone. I just started two fish tanks. Freshwater tanks with guppies, mollies, and neon tetras. In one tank I have 3 guppy fry and 2 molly fry.
I would like to start a nano reef tank. Maybe over the winter. The tanks make nice decorative additions to my home. One in the living room and one in the bedroom.
Web design is not going so well. I can’t seem to get it together to do the things that I want to do. I’m scared to start because I’m scared that it won’t be any good. And if I never do it, I can continue to think I’m good at it. which is really kinda twisted and I hate the lie of it. anyway. was just sitting here browsing the internet information on nano reefs and thought I’d stop by.
I’m not so talkative. This blog is not yet everything I had hoped it would be. Although clearly, once a month, i am reminded that it exists and I have the urge to post…something, anything, though it may not be all that interesting.
things I’ve remembered that I know:
1. the internet is not the hypochondriac’s friend.
2. envy is a very uncomfortable feeling.
3. I miss my motorcycle.
4. ignoring a problem does not make it go away or get better
5. knowing what the problem is gives one information even if one still has no clue how to solve it.
6. a smile from a woman one is infatuated with is twitterpatting.
7. i’m not as stupid as I think or as smart as I hoped.
8. hugs are priceless
9. dog spit is not tasty but it won’t kill you.
10. good mothers are special.