incompetent

that’s my fear. I don’t know what I’m doing. even about the most basic of things. like how to clean. I’m so afraid that I don’t know what I’m doing that I don’t do anything. I sit back and plan and think on how to do what I want to get done. I think that somehow I can find the right tool, find the right method where I can snap my fingers and sparkle sparkle.

The thing is, mostly what is required is that I stop thinking and start doing what I want done; or keep thinking while I put my time and effort into picking up a mop.

Somehow, I think if I were smarter or more competent then I wouldn’t be having these issues. If I were smarter and better and did everything right my dogs would not be ruining my floors with urine. It’s not that I haven’t mopped in months, it’s somehow that I’m not smart enough. Seriously, that’s how I think.

I really don’t know how I got to feeling so entitled. Like I’m owed an effort free house, an effort free existence. I don’t know what that is.