How do I talk about the things I want to talk about without talking about me? How do I talk about me without making myself discoverable as me? Some of the things I want to talk about, I’m embarrassed to talk about in person; I want to retreat to the anonymity of this written space. The thing is this space is not always as anonymous as I think. What if someone sees it? What if no one sees it? What would have been the point of writing about it here if no one sees it and talks to me about it?
I want to talk about kink and desire and sexual expression that isn’t about sex or another person. I want to talk about being seen as unattractive and how that effects sex and desire and sexual expression. I want to talk about my long celibacy and the regret and anger I have about the reasons and wherefores that created that celibacy. I want to talk about how low my sexual esteem has been and why I’m finding it hard to address.
I guess I will talk and say to those who may find their way here and who may also know exactly who I am that I will reject any efforts to embarrass me about the things I write. If you don’t want to read, don’t. If you want to have a conversation, that would be great. I’m dying for someone to talk to.