I woke up this morning, thinking that it would be nice to have a girlfriend.
Unusual only in that for the last 2 and 1/2 years I have been singing the refrain: no girlfriend, no partner, no wife. And up until the beginning of this year, I wouldn’t even consider a date. Only sex. Sex only. Because it was sex only (notice I didn’t say ‘just sex’) I could give myself a little leeway about my choices.
And I think the moment I started thinking about narrowing down my choices, I gave myself room to consider girlfriend material. If I’m considering gf material, it follows that I would be thinking gf. As soon as I realized that though, I had the urge to back off of those thoughts.
I’m still too scared.